Myths about happiness

Some studies in the field suggest that the concept of happiness has remained more or less constant throughout history. This means that what our grandparents thought happiness was and what we think it is are more or less the same. If we’re clear about what happiness is… why do so many people find it so hard to reach, and what makes it difficult to achieve?

To answer that, we’d have to start with the myths about happiness. Let’s go over some of the main fallacies…

• Knowledge gets you halfway there. Knowledge alone isn’t enough to achieve our goals. Of course knowledge is necessary, but often the reality is that it doesn’t give us an advantage when it comes to acting or deciding. In fact, research on decision-making (popularised, for example, by the psychologist Daniel Kahneman with his idea of “fast” and “slow” thinking) suggests that many of our decisions are made not so much through reasoning as intuitively, even though we believe otherwise and think we’re deciding rationally. Knowing something doesn’t necessarily change how our mind perceives it. To put it in context, here are a couple of examples: I know that person isn’t right for me, that they’re not good for me, that we’re not compatible for many reasons… but even so I decide to stay in the relationship; a psychologist who is an expert in major depression is not immune to falling into it just because they have extensive knowledge of the subject. Theoretical/rational knowledge about something (happiness included) isn’t everything; it’s not even close. Conclusion: being clear about the concept of happiness doesn’t bring us any closer to it.
• In the vast majority of cases we believe our happiness will grow with our achievements (a good salary, a good job, good grades, a social life, a perfect body…), and we’re wrong. Many studies suggest that, in the long run, these kinds of things matter much less than we think when we assess how happy we are.
• Genetics plays a key role in our happiness, so we can’t change each individual’s natural tendency towards it. It has been shown that the genetic component is relevant, but it’s far from being the key to happiness.
• The circumstances that arise in our lives (getting a job, being fired, a break-up, an argument…) play a key role in achieving happiness. It has also been found that the things that happen to us don’t play such an essential role in our happiness.

In 2005 Sonja Lyubomirsky and her colleagues proposed a breakdown that became very popular: life circumstances would account for 10% of our happiness, genetics for 50%, and our thoughts and actions for 40%. We now know these figures shouldn’t be taken literally: other researchers (Brown and Rohrer, 2019) have shown that the calculation has serious problems and that happiness can’t be split into exact percentages. Even so, the underlying idea is still valuable: what we think and do, which is what’s under our control, plays an important role in determining how happy we can be. We can’t control our genetics or what life has in store for us, but we can control how we interpret and act in response to the events we have to live through. Now it would be interesting for you to ask yourself: what % of my happiness do I base on my life circumstances, and what % on the things that are under my control?

Besides the myths, there are also many factors that make it harder for us to be happy. Which ones? Two important examples to bear in mind:

• Social media. We often measure happiness in relative terms; that is, I feel more or less happy depending on how I perceive the average happiness around me. We all know that the world of social media is very superficial and also very unrealistic. Only one side is shown: the one I want others to see. A highly controlled side that projects a very distorted view of reality. But it’s the world we live in and, as a result, we also rely on it when assessing our own lives. If we measure our happiness by comparing it with social media, as many people do, we will always come off worse.
• Our society: we live in a society that heavily promotes the use of medication for everything. Want to lose weight? Take this fat-burning pill, instead of making an effort and changing your habits. And the same goes for mental health. Society promotes the use of medication far more often than it should (to “feel better”, “feel less pain”, “be happier”…) instead of promoting introspection, inner work and changing habits to achieve greater psychological well-being.

Important: if you take medication, don’t stop it or change the dose on your own. Any change should be made with your doctor or psychiatrist.